Modern Piracy and SCUBA Certification
by greendale student
Summary: Greendale has a school picnic at the lake. City College has other plans. Somehow, Annie and Abed end up leading a crew of pirates.


The first annual Greendale Fall Picnic is hardly the substitute for paintball Frankie had pitched it as, but Annie still thinks it's a nice idea as she watches her classmates wade tentatively into the bright blue waters of the lake. After reconciling with the Save Greendale Committee, the Dean's new consultant had suggested they divert the students' enthusiasm into something less chaotic than paintball or pillow fights by holding a school-sponsored day of outdoor fun. Those who had been part of the study group of old knew such a plan wouldn't succeed in distracting people from more traditional Greendale adventures, but Frankie should figure that out soon enough. In the meantime, Annie hopes the event will earn the school some good press. They've reserved space at one of the little artificial lakes in the area, rented boats, and even arranged for the SCUBA diving class—one of Greendale's more reputable programs—to do some training in the lake. With a couple local reporters present to record the event, that should make a good advertisement for Greendale's quirky charm. If this goes well, maybe they can even get permission to have sailing classes here instead of in the parking lot.

Annie watches the Dean and Chang distribute towels and beach blankets, alert for any situation in need of her organizational skills. "We should have a plan to pack up quickly in case of rain," she frets, even though the skies are clear.

"That's taken care of, I went ahead and reserved that pavilion over there so we can take shelter if needed," Frankie says, most of her attention on the students carrying boats to the shoreline. Annie frowns, privately still annoyed by the intrusion on her accustomed role in the Save Greendale Committee.

"Annie?" She turns around, startled, and finds Abed standing next to her. "Should we go claim a boat? I want to be there for any nautical-themed adventures this otherwise slow-paced plot might lead to."

Annie smiles and accompanies Abed to the narrow, sandy beach, glad to be distracted from her anxieties. They choose a canoe and drag it to the water's edge. It's a nice day for this, despite a chilly breeze; the water is a dazzling blue, the little trees along the shore are turning yellow, and the mountains far off in the distance are dusted with snow. Beyond the lake and its narrow border of trees, the prairie stretches out to the horizon.

Neither of them has much experience with canoes, but Annie learned how to steer one at a summer camp in her childhood, so they manage to navigate away from the shore without incident—unlike Jeff and Britta, who are loudly arguing as they go in circles and bump into other boats. Annie rolls her eyes at them and waves to Garrett and Magnitude, who are talking excitedly about the SCUBA class. Then she and Abed drift out into the open water towards the middle of the lake, where little waves are starting to build up in the breeze.

"Do you think Troy is doing the same thing we're doing right now?" Annie asks softly.

"I guess. Hopefully it's more like this than that _Inspector Spacetime_ episode with the giant squid. Although that might be cool, but being carried to an underwater alien base could slow him down a lot and this trip is already taking longer than it's supposed to," Abed replies from the front of the boat. Annie can't see his expression and his voice doesn't change much, but she puts a hand on Abed's shoulder, hoping he finds the gesture reassuring.

After a minute, she hears shouts from behind and turns the canoe around to look. Magnitude, Garrett, and the SCUBA instructor seem to be arguing with a group of strangers. In fact, there's suddenly a crowd on the beach. _No one told us about another big group visiting today_. Annie exchanges a curious glance with Abed and they paddle back towards the shore.

By the time they get close to the crowd, Dean Pelton and Frankie have arrived to intervene. "Excuse me!" the Dean shouts, making his way past some angry students. "Greendale Community College made reservations for this space today, and-"

"That's true, Craig," an ominous voice announces. "Your school does have the right to use this beach for your little picnic."

"Plot twist," Abed announces. The crowd parts to reveal the newcomer, but Annie knows that voice from the threatening announcements over the intercom during the paintball war.

"Dean Spreck?" Craig asks incredulously. "What is City College doing at a Greendale event?"

"Well, it's our event too. You see, City College has a permit to conduct SCUBA training today—something I'm told _your_ school neglected to acquire ahead of time."

Annie huffs in annoyance and stares at Frankie. "Same-day permits are five percent cheaper, I didn't think there would actually be competition!" the consultant argues defensively.

"So, you see, Greendale can have its picnic, but as City College's event will use all the available dive buoys required by the local parks authority, I'm afraid the newspapers won't be able to document your diving classes," Dean Spreck announces with a triumphant tone of voice.

"You orchestrated this to upstage Greendale's success!" Britta shouts as her canoe runs aground on a log.

The rival Dean smiles. "I can't confirm or deny that. Enjoy your academically irrelevant entertainment event, Greendale." Spreck turns and marches away, followed by his students.

A little while later, Annie and Abed are on the beach with a crowd of frustrated students as they wait for Frankie to return from the park office. When they see her approaching, the members of the Save Greendale Committee slip away to consult with her behind a stand of trees. "They said we could get a permit if we had enough warning buoys, but Greendale doesn't have the right gear and City College took all of the park's equipment for the day," Frankie reports. "They don't usually run out—I think Dean Spreck took all the supplies deliberately to interfere with our plans, but there's no rule that explicitly prevents him from doing so."

"Can't we just buy a buoy somewhere?" Jeff asks. "One dive would be enough to get a picture in the newspaper."

Chang hastily types something on his phone. "I found a great deal for a diving buoy, we just have to send someone to pick it up at the store in...Key West!" he announces proudly.

For some reason no one takes him up on that idea. Annie stares out at the lake, where she can see City College setting up for their diving lessons in the distance. Abed hands her a small pair of binoculars, and she studies the rival school's boats more carefully. They've set up a few buoys in the water, but Annie can see many more piled up in a couple of overloaded canoes floating some distance away from the divers. "They're not even using half of them! We should go over there and demand they share."

Frankie shakes her head. "Spreck wouldn't agree to help us and starting an argument in front of the reporters won't make for good publicity."

Annie looks around the group, searching for allies; Abed nods approvingly, but the others are hesitant. "Jeff—Dean—someone do something!"

"She's got a point," Jeff says. "City College has every advantage over Greendale, what good does it do us to take them on?"

The Dean sighs. "Our SCUBA students will be so disappointed they can't use the lake for their training, and it's my professional duty to delegate the responsibility of telling them. Frankie, you go deal with that."

As the committee heads back towards the crowd, Annie grabs Abed's arm and pulls him behind the trees. When she's sure they're out of earshot, she whispers, "We need to take back our share of those buoys!"

"Of course," Abed says calmly. "It makes sense that the suits don't want to do anything. Being underdogs defying the authorities fits the sea battle concept thematically. We'll be like pirates—but the cool kind with parrots and swords, not the scary modern kind Troy escaped from."

Annie smiles and finds herself holding Abed's hand. "That sounds more like the Greendale way of doing things." Her frustration at City College's scheming—and the others' inaction—is suddenly replaced with excitement. This feels right—her and Abed doing a classic Greendale caper together. She catches herself wondering if Abed's take on a pirate character would be anything like Han Solo. "Come on, let's get back to our boat...matey," she adds.

"Aye aye, Captain." Abed grins subtly and produces a bandanna from his pocket, tying it on his head—Annie's impressed to realize he came prepared for this exact scenario. They scramble down a bank to the beach, ready for adventure.

With the wind stirring up the water into miniature waves that gently rock the canoe, the middle of the lake feels enough like the ocean to make the pirate theme work, although pirates in movies usually favor more tropical climates. While Annie steers them towards the far shore, Abed studies the City College boats in the distance off the port side (proper nautical language is important to establish the genre of this episode). There are a lot of canoes and kayaks and two small motorboats, mostly either near City College's section of the beach or in the open water around the dive site. The two canoes loaded with extra buoys are in the second group, closer to where Annie and Abed are trying to be as inconspicuous as possible in the middle of a flat expanse of water on a sunny day. Not being actually needed for the SCUBA training, those boats have drifted aimlessly away from the action and are now floating some distance from the rest. The pilot of the closest boat looks bored and isn't making much effort to rejoin the main group.

"That galleon be an easy target, Captain," Abed advises Annie in-character.

"Yeah...um, I mean, _aye_...but maybe that's what they want us to think," she replies. "Why would they put that stuff in boats at all instead of leaving it on the beach? It must be because they knew we'd be looking for an opportunity to take it. Which means they might also expect us to do this, and try to lure us into a trap."

Abed studies the boat again through the binoculars, closing one eye like a pirate with an old-fashioned spyglass. "There's one way to find out," he reminds her. Abed wonders if Annie will appreciate that he worked a bit of Han Solo into his pirate character—a sensible way of making a subtle callback, that just happens to reference the time they kissed. Judging by Annie's smile and the speed with which she turns the boat to pursue the unwary (or secretly prepared) City College student, the answer to that question is yes.

As they close the distance, arms tired from paddling, the guy in the boat looks at them and tries to turn around and head back towards the SCUBA divers. In his weighed-down canoe, he doesn't get far before Abed and Annie catch up. Abed grabs the side of his boat and holds up his paddle, the best available substitute for a sword. "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!" he announces. "We'll be taking Greendale's share of that treasure, matey." He sees Annie studying the canoe warily and prepares for any ambush, wondering if there are reinforcements hiding in the bottom of the boat or even an anachronistic submarine lurking underwater.

"Hey, take whatever what you want," the pilot says in a disinterested tone. "Spreck made me guard this stuff for my recreation studies credit, I don't care about his grudge against your school. Just make it look like you had to threaten me, okay? That should get me an easy A-minus."

Annie rolls her eyes, but makes a good show of waving her paddle around menacingly before she and Abed starting loading buoys into their own watercraft. They take just enough for Greendale to do its planned SCUBA training, then throw the City College student's paddle out into the lake so he can't follow them. A few people around the dive site have seen the commotion and started towards them, so Annie and Abed hurry towards the shore to get away. They can hide in the trees to evade the pursuit and wait for an opportunity to cross the lake to the beach they started from.

"Well, that was a bit anticlimactic," Annie says.

Abed nods. "Maybe we can use the same characters for a simulation back at home," he offers. Annie smiles, but then her face becomes tenser as she stares at something near the tree-lined shore. Abed sees a few boats emerging from a hidden cove—kayaks, faster than their canoe would be even if they weren't carrying heavy diving gear. "Or maybe there's more to this plot," he amends his comment. Grabbing the binoculars, Abed takes a closer look at the newcomers. The man in the lead boat is familiar. "Spreck's there," he warns Annie. "This must be City College's real plan."

Annie turns back towards Greendale's beach, but Spreck's party quickly catches up. The kayakers circle around them, hesitating to attack the bigger canoe. Abed figures they'll have some more time to prepare while the rival Dean gloats.

Sure enough, Dean Spreck is the first to speak. "Well, if it isn't Greendale's famous paintball couple on another date," he sneers. Annie makes the noise that means she's offended. Abed freezes in place for a moment; he hadn't calculated that the flirtatious aspects of his and Annie's behavior during genre adventures were obvious enough for recurring villains to be shipping them. He wonders if he needs to recalibrate his assessment of their relationship. But the priority at the moment is to figure out a strategy for Greendale's boldest pirates to escape from the City College navy with their treasure.

"Did you really think you'd outwit City College?" Spreck asks, leading into a predictable villain monologue. Abed leans back towards Annie's seat.

"I have a plan to catch them off guard and escape," he whispers.

"So do I," Annie tells him.

"Is it to charge right at them and then run?"

"Yep."

"Okay, let's do it."

They spring into action, paddling hard to propel the canoe towards a gap in the ring of kayaks. The startled City College students scatter, trying to get out of the way. In a moment the pirates are out of the circle and heading for the Greendale beach. Turning his head around to look back, Abed sees a couple kayakers starting to follow while the others hesitate. The Dean isn't in view. In the back of the boat, Annie half-stands while trying to keep her balance and shouts, "For Greendale!"

Abed glimpses a blur of blue plastic approaching, then it hits the side of the canoe with a thud and suddenly he's in the water. Surfacing, he finds Annie and swims over to her. They're both a little shocked from falling into the cold water, but fine. A few feet away, Dean Spreck is sitting in a blue kayak, triumphantly studying the capsized canoe. "Tow this away and gather up the buoys, we'll let these pirates walk back to their picnic," he orders.

The bulky life jackets Frankie insisted everyone wear don't really fit the pirate theme, but Abed has to admit they made it easier to swim to shore. Crawling onto the sand beside Annie, he looks back at the lake. Spreck and his minions are far off, heading back towards the SCUBA divers with the canoe they'd captured. Abed can see the beach where the Greendale picnic is being held—it's directly across the lake from where they've landed. Without a boat, it will take a while to get back, much less do anything to inconvenience City College.

Abed notices Annie shivering, and realizes he's cold as well. Now that they're wet from their unplanned swim, the wind feels wintry. No wonder most pirate stories are set in warmer latitudes. "We should warm up a bit before we head back," Abed suggests.

They find a sun-warmed spot on the sand, with aspen leaves fluttering overhead in the breeze, and huddle together for warmth. It's hardly the first time they've indulged in such close contact; they often find themselves pressed close together on the couch during quiet evenings at Apartment 303, even without the excuse of needing to stay warm while they dry off. But something—maybe the sense of adventure, of still being sort of in-character, or maybe the different setting that would be a great backdrop for a romantic scene—makes Abed especially aware of their closeness this time. Annie puts her arm around him and tentatively takes his hand, and they sit like that for a while.

By the time a flock of ducks swims by, picking up food from the shallows while falling leaves drift into the water around them, Annie and Abed are warm enough but not in any hurry to get up. Abed feels strangely nervous as Annie turns her head to look at him. Still, he doesn't hesitate when she leans closer. They kiss softly, more gently than they had during the paintball game, more like it's an ordinary thing in their relationship—more like something that could have happened on those quiet nights watching TV in the apartment.

"Are we still in character?" Annie asks, almost whispering.

Abed watches her, trying to figure that out. "I don't know," he admits.

"Me neither," she says, sounding a little nervous but not hesitating to tilt her head towards Abed again. This time, before their lips touch they're startled by the sudden noise of the ducks taking to the air. Abed and Annie turn to see a small group of boats heading right for them. They jump to their feet, ready for action, but this fleet is crewed not by City College agents but by their classmates. Magnitude is steering a canoe at the head of the group, while Vicki, Dave, Garrett, and Chang follow close behind in kayaks.

"Ahoy there!" Magnitude calls as the newcomers beach their boats a few feet away.

"We saw you fighting City College and wanted to help," Vicki explains. "Jeff and Britta stayed behind to distract Frankie."

It would have been nice to have more of the original study group join in for a concept episode like this, but Abed's a bit relieved that Jeff didn't see him and Annie kissing. He puts that thought aside, since the focus is clearly returning to the action plot at the moment.

"Okay, um—we should have a plan to—" Annie stammers.

"Ha! You didn't want us disturbing your private time with Abed, did you?" Chang announces loudly.

That seems to focus her attention. "Shut up and raise the mainsail, or you'll walk the plank!" she shouts, impressing Abed with her commitment to her character. "We set sail to fight the City College navy, I need all hands at the ready!" And Annie lightly brushes her hand against Abed's as she leads him to their pirate ship.

Annie surveys the scene from the shelter of the cove City College's fleet had ambushed them from earlier, watching as boats gather around the site of the SCUBA class. The canoes holding the superfluous buoys aren't so far from the crowd now, but they're still out on the edge. Well, Spreck had wanted them to pull off that first heist; Annie expects City College to have a formidable response this time. In fact, she's planning on it.

Annie gives the order and the Greendale boats race out of the cove toward their rivals. As they set out across open water, she watches Abed, sitting in the middle of the canoe between her and Magnitude. Annie's not sure why she went so far as to kiss Abed not-quite-entirely in character today, but she finds she's not surprised with herself. It feels more like something she'd wanted to do but had been nervous about taking action. She wonders if that means she hasn't been dealing directly with her feelings for Abed. Annie realizes that not only did she enjoy the kiss—she had been excited to discover that Abed reciprocated even when not clearly playing a role. She guesses that might answer her question.

But this isn't the time to think that through: they're closing in on the City College fleet. When their approach was noticed, the canoes carrying the bureaucratically mandated treasure had retreated while kayakers charged forward to guard them, just as Annie anticipated. Vicki and Chang lead the way, ramming boats with enthusiasm. Annie and Abed join the fray, the two of them fending off boarders with their paddles while they push aside City College boats. Dave follows, holding a long kayak paddle like a medieval jouster's lance. In the confusion, a couple people jumping into the water and swimming away from the fighting don't attract too much attention.

Abed points somewhere ahead, and Annie sees Dean Spreck in his blue kayak, aimed straight at them. "Just like we planned," she tells Abed. Spreck speeds up to ram their canoe like before. This time they're ready for him. Their movements perfectly coordinated, Annie and Abed paddle in reverse, backing up so their adversary zooms past them and collides with one of his own side's ships, capsizing it. In a few moments, some of the City College students are trying to help their compatriots out of the water, while others are obeying the enraged Dean's orders to pursue the pirates. At Annie's signal, the Greendale crew retreats, backing away from the scene of the battle and forming a circle. City College boats surround them, and Spreck comes up close to Annie and Abed with a menacing smile.

"And this time you didn't even get your hands on one buoy," he says mockingly.

Annie exchanges a knowing glance with Abed. "Didn't we?" she asks.

Spreck looks around to see a canoe approaching along the edge of the battle. It's one of the ones carrying the extra buoys—but strangely, the two people aboard are wearing diving masks and snorkels. As they come near the Greendale boats, they take off the masks and the one in the bow shouts "Pop-pop!" The rest of the pirates cheer as Magnitude and Garrett cruise past the befuddled City College kayakers and rejoin the Greendale pirates with the treasure.

Dean Spreck looks like he's about to order some kind of excessive retaliation, but Annie waves calmly in the direction of another canoe that's quietly approached from across the lake. On board are Britta, Jeff—and a stranger with a camera and a notepad. "Using the skills they learned in Greendale's well-regarded diving classes—" Annie enunciates clearly to make sure the reporter can hear her—"our students were able to swim underwater past the fighting and board the ship carrying the equipment City College had kept from Greendale in a petty attempt to prevent the public from hearing about our successes." After a moment's hesitation, Spreck waves to his ships and they back off, unwilling to start another fight in front of the press. Victorious, the pirates head back towards the picnic.

Frankie is incredulous when they return to shore, but Greendale gets to have its SCUBA training, even if the park officials strongly discourage both schools from making future reservations at this particular lake. Besides, the pirate battle will draw more interest than anything else in the upcoming news article. As they pack up after the picnic, with the sun setting behind the mountains, Annie walks up to Abed on the lakeshore. Neither of them seems to be in a hurry to discuss their relationship yet. Still, they join hands as they walk back towards the parking lot, smiling furtively at each other. And maybe they'll do that pirate simulation sometime; the concept seemed to make for a good story.


End file.
